


Hello Euphoria

by mirabsol



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Gender Roles, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung-centric, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Moving On, Post-Break Up, Queer Themes, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28472532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirabsol/pseuds/mirabsol
Summary: Kim Doyoung had everything figured out the moment he started his first semester at Seoul National University, his expectations were never less than being the absolute best. He needed to be so perfect people would have to whisper about him as he passed by, everyone would mention his perfect grades, perfect boyfriend, and a background so impressive his own Dean would beg on their knees for him to teach at SNU once he graduated.Watch him achieve none of that.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	1. if that was you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, This is Mía, 
> 
> I'm posting my first fic ever. English is not my first language so I apologize for the first grade level of Grammar. Honestly, I wanted to post a story that I wanted to read, so here is the first chapter, hope someone enjoys it. 
> 
> Please note that: 
> 
> 1\. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.  
> 2\. For this AU same-sex and/diverse relationships are "normalized", just for the sake of not complicating myself with the plot and to set a desirable reality.

Kim Doyoung had everything figured out the moment he started his first semester at Seoul National University, his expectations were never less than being the absolute best. He needed to be so perfect people would have to whisper about him as he passed by, everyone would mention his perfect grades, perfect boyfriend, and a background so impressive his own Dean would beg on their knees for him to teach at SNU once he graduated.

By his second semester, his mind was forced to adapt to the fact that none of that happened. He did receive good grades but they weren’t always perfect, not when college professors were evil creatures that aspire to unachievable and ridiculous requirements for their projects. Still, he managed to achieve a spot with the top-rated students from Korean Linguistics. But worst of all was that nobody cared about the outfits he would bring to school, or if his hair was flawless and bouncy, most of his classmates barely had time for showers and they were always falling asleep during and after class.

Doyoung was willing to survive all of this. He still walked around campus believing he was not only the best student to ever course his major but also a fine piece of ass, either everyone wanted to be him or do him. Sadly, for all of SNU he belonged to his two years older high school sweetheart Park Jinyoung, the hottest student in Architecture, or that´s what Doyoung would say to him.

June arrived and so did the end of his second semester. Jinyoung delivered such an impressive graduation project, his school offered him to continue his postgraduate studies in New York City and it was very possible to secure a job position in America. It was an opportunity Jinyoung couldn’t let pass. 

The couple had agreed to continue their relationship in distance with the hope that they could last for all the time Jinyoung was away. 

It took Doyoung one semester more for him to bring his romance to an end. It’s well known that most long-distance relationships were doomed to end tragically and they were not an exception. He and Jinyoung had a strong emotional connection but the lack of control and proximity became a huge factor that led to their breakup. 

And so it began, his worst moments in life. His early twenties were nothing like what he had pictured that day he received his high school diploma.

Every December the streets of Seoul were always filled with couples anywhere you would set your eyes on. For the past four years, you could have found Kim Doyoung assisting all of the Christmas Lights Festivals around the city, enjoying all the new street food that was in season, and strolling through the pavement locking arms with his then-boyfriend. His plans for this winter break were not so different. He was doing the same all over again, locking arms included, but with his new friend Lee Taeyong who had offered to stay with him for the holidays to keep him some company and both had agreed to avoid their own family gatherings. 

“You guys did break up, right?” It felt more like his friend trying to ground his feet than a question.

“W—we did, yes. Mhmm,” Doyoung replied haltingly, placing back the makeup product to its shelf.

Doyoung knew no one meant to be harsh. Even without having to look back at Taeyong, he could see how his friend struggled to find the words to not hurt his feelings. He appreciated everyone’s concerns, he was perfectly aware that texting his ex-boyfriend less than a week of breaking up was not healthy.

“Doie, we can always just have dinner anywhere and see the fireworks from the street or my building's rooftop? Sounds fun.”

“No! the party is perfect,” Doyoung quickly said back “Besides, we will be meeting your _buddy_ there right? You don’t want him to be there on his own.”

The _buddy_ was a program their university had for international students, the whole purpose was to assign a local student to show them around campus and help them adjust to the Korean culture; basically, help with making the other student’s life easier. Doyoung volunteered at this program too, that’s how he met one of his closest friends Qian Kun last September. 

“I'm sure he'll be fine if I cancel.”

“No Hyung! I'm pleased to go, I swear!” 

“Really?” Taeyong said, his black eyes sparkling with excitement, “it will be fun, I promise. We always relish a party don't we?” 

Doyoung was doing this mostly for his friend who had done a lot for him already, Taeyong cheered him up on the twenty-fourth when he came back from the door holding a delivery box with a cake inside, “Merry Christmas. I love you. – Jinyoung” scribbled all over it. Taeyong was also there every time Doyoung had to excuse himself out of class to hide in the bathroom and cry himself out. It was the older one who reminded him that proper meals did not consist of _ramyeon_ and junk food. So if something so simple as attending a party was a way to give back to his friend, he was going to commit to it, no matter what. 

Both met at the beginning of Fall during class. Taeyong was his senior, one year older than him, however, Doyoung took enough summer classes to help him catch up with the older´s credits. Writing millions of essays together about Korean Literature bonded them enough for both of them to be inseparable now. Professor Yunho starred in most of his nightmares for those six months, and Taeyong was a shining knight in armor, fighting along his side to pass that class. 

“I think this is my shade, what do you think?” he said, getting closer to Taeyong so that he could have a better view of the smeared makeup on Doyoung’s slim wrist.

His phone then chimed multiple times alerting he had received new text messages. It was him of course, Jinyoung.

Doyoung retreated his hand from Taeyong´s sight to grab his phone and read the screen.

Jinyoung was fourteen hours behind, and thousands of kilometers away from Seoul. When his boyfriend shared the news back in August Doyoung was not sure what was expected from him, whether being a supportive boyfriend or begging his partner to stay and never leave his side.

One month later after leaving Korea, Jinyoung informed over the phone that it was very likely he would stay longer. His boyfriend accepted to become the newest architect junior at a prestigious firm. That meant five or eight years of both of them living apart.

Their relationship was called off officially on December twenty-seventh, five days before New Year Eve. Neither of them would take the next step after a Break up which was actually breaking up and drifting apart. Both were longing for their affectionate text messages and phone-sex at midnight.

_They were definitely no longer a couple._

“Do?” Taeyong called for him, shaking Doyoung out his gaze.

“Sorry! I zoned out,” Doyoung snapped right away, blinking his eyes repeatedly.

He texted a goodnight message and a kiss back to Jinyoung with a half-smile on his face, relieved his phone was not going to interrupt their day anymore.

“I do have to say, I’m not looking forward to third wheel your date tonight.”

“Hey! it’s not a date. He´ll bring a friend too.”

Doyoung crossed his arms, it took him a second to realize, “Lee Taeyong,” he warned, narrowing his eyes, “you are not setting me up on a blind date, are you?”

Taeyong chuckled and wrapped his arm over Doyoung’s shoulders “I couldn't ruin a poor guy's night like that.”

**__**

It was just like he feared, a feeling of hot and stickiness in the air after stepping inside the venue’s room. This party was full of students Doyoung thought he had never seen before, or at least he did not recognize anyone from his major. At the left, there was a big crowd hyping some sort of rap performance coming from a small stage on the corner. They were all jumping, screaming, and spilling their drinks on the floor. It was so noisy and messy and not where Doyoung would have dreamed of ending his last minutes of the year.

A hand grabbed him from the arm, starling him just a little bit, it was Taeyong moving his lips, trying to say something. The loud crowd and music made it impossible for Doyoung to hear or understand what the other was trying to say, the older´s patience reached its limit so he was now being dragged to the bar area, Taeyong waving them both through the stumbling multitude and the fog in the air.

Taeyong looked at his phone and said, “He'll be here in 5 minutes, what do you want to drink?”

“Wine is ok,” he said, removing his coat “it’s so hot in here!” 

He thought of Jinyoung for a second and immediately felt guilty. Taeyong had been a source of “feel-good chemicals”, a distraction; very minimal, but he was going to take what life was offering. Doyoung was aware he was allowing Jinyoung to lift him in a wonderful bliss, just to crash him down to the lowest he could ever feel, Draining him of whatever it was inside a human's body to push through a day. 

“Here you go,” Taeyong handed him a glass of red wine and then took a sip of his own drink.

“Hyung! You paid for our lunch and coffee, let me at least buy you this beer,” the younger pouted in annoyance.

His friend had done more than paying for his meals in the past few days. 

For a few seconds, Taeyong didn’t respond or even breathed, those big black eyes were completely gone, staring at whatever it was behind Doyoung. A shiver ran down his spine and his body automatically turned. 

It was them, Taeyong’s _buddy_ and his companion making their way to them. Taeyong had barely described his friend but finally getting to see him in person was a different story, his vague narration did no justice to what his friend described. He noticed how handsome and the guy was, he just looked put together with crisp clothes layered beneath a black leather coat. He could smell them from that far away, a scent of cedar, patchouli, and vetiver. His attention then drifted now to the other man, who had a smile drawn already on his face followed by a pair of charming dimples to match the perfect skin in his face. This man looked like out of any drama he would binge until late at night. Simply saying he was attractive wasn’t enough. 

It felt like burning along with a thousand emotions the moment the dimpled boy met his eyes, Doyoung had to immediately look away and gulp his drink, to ease down the sudden rise of temperature. 

“Johnny!” Taeyong shouted, waving his hand.

Johnny darted to embrace Taeyong in his arms, lifting him just a little bit off his feet. This was clearly a date, at least for them, Doyoung thought.

“Doie this is, Johnny and uhm,” he paused for a moment to remember “Jaehyun, right? Jaehyun is it?” Taeyong said.

“Yes, Jaehyun from Architecture,” He said now, extending his right arm.

Doyoung softly shook his hand. This guy was perfectly aware how the smallest flash of those dents on his cheeks would make anyone blush, 

“Taeyong talks a lot about you,” Johnny added still not letting go of Taeyong from his arms

“Well, I mention good things only. I promise,” His friend pouted, defending himself. And Doyoung believed him Taeyong was the saint he and others claimed to be. 

Seeing his friend in Johnny's arms with red cheeks all over his face and all giggly was a new side Doyoung had not seen yet. All this time Taeyong had been the best friend he could ask for, always making sure Doyoung was clean, eating well, getting cuddles, he took care of him, and this Taeyong was just asking to be babied back as he had been doing for the past few months. He made sure to mentally note Taeyong’s alcohol tolerance was one single beer and nag him later for not mentioning anything about Johnny. 

They kept chatting for a while, staying near the bar to get tipsy as quickly as possible. The fourth had agreed on dropping formalities right away, this was Taeyong’s friends after all and the age difference was minimal with Jaehyun being the youngest. 

By the third glass of wine, Taeyong had the bright idea of moving to the crowd area where they could see the stage from up close and maybe so that Doyoung would dance a little. And he followed, but Taeyong made them join the audience just to disappear right after with Johnny, leaving him with the devil.

Doyoung already hated this, it was even hotter with all the sweaty people around. It didn't help either that Jaehyun was right behind him, practically breathing in his ear giving full access to capture every snort and chuckle the young man let out.

“He is good right?” Jaehyun meant the rapper on the stage.

The deep voice scared him for a second. Right, they were supposed to be watching the performance. 

“A-hah,” 

A grip on his arm alarmed him right away. It was just Taeyong. “Here you are! Johnny wants to go to karaoke after midnight, should we join them?” he asked him enthusiastically, adding a pair of twinkling eyes. 

Doyoung just nodded, not caring about his crooked smile.

“You are the best! I love you! I’m heading out for a smoke with Johnny, I’ll be back before twelve,” he stopped and stared back at Jaehyun “Don’t leave without me. I´ll be back!” He assured him again on his way to the exit. 

“Do you think those two have _something_?” Doyoung said, shocked he had no idea Taeyong smoked.

“They probably are making out right now,” Jaehyun said, moving his head to the rhythm. “Why? Are you into your friend?” 

“What!? No.. not at all.”

“Good then,” he said with a grin. 

Jaehyun was definitely flirting or whatever seduction he was trying to do. This kid who had just met him was flirting and it was working. Unfortunately for Jaehyun, he was not falling for this game or allowing himself to lose, even if a tiny part of him was ready to melt at any moment. 

It took Doyoung a couple more elbows shoved to his waist and several steps on his Chelsea boots to eventually get tired of being inside the multitude. He took Jaehyun’s arm guiding them through the crowd and straight to the glass doors that lead outside in the lobby area. It was nicer there, it had big open windows all around the room from floor to ceiling with the view of the city. The best part of it, it was empty and they could see the fireworks from there.

“You know, not long ago I went to this presentation last semester,” Jaehyun said, just a step behind him, “the choir club from our uni sang at that event,”

“I remember that,” Doyoung nodded, he was part of that club.

“There was this boy who sang the high note,” that was Doyoung who he was talking about. “I w—,” 

“5... 4... 3... 2... 1...,” the countdown started, being shouted from inside the room.

And so the fireworks show began, making Doyoung shift his head to the window to view the millions of sparks shooting to the sky, some were up close others could be seen in the distance. Even inside it was loud enough for him to hear them. They were shot straight up before exploding, others whirl in a spiral or shatter into a thousand different colors. It was lovely, he had seen fireworks before, but the thrill and beauty always left him speechless.

Jaehyun mumbled something in the back and he turned to face him. His eyes were fixated on Doyoung, so wide and glittery, reflecting all the lights and colors on the side of his pupils, it looked just like gemstones.

“Happy New Year Doyoung,” he said this time, invading the space between them to press his soft lips lightly on Doyoung´s. He was shocked for a second but did not resist, instead, he closed his eyes and allowed the feelings to come in. It tasted sweet and like beer. It was too short but it was what he had been craving for the past six months, the electricity, the good feelings that made his body tingle and butterflies fly inside his stomach. Jaehyun was giving him a shot of dopamine and oxytocin and his brain was jumping in a thrill.

The phone vibrated inside his pocket demanding attention. It was probably just Taeyong looking for them, it didn't matter, consider it payback. It was his turn, he needed these giddy and euphoric seconds. 

They broke their kiss a minute later, a loud smack coming from their lips. Jaehyun had left him speechless as if he had stolen his breath and voice with his mouth.

Doyoung's hands left Jaehyun´s cheeks and reached for his phone.

The white light of the screen was killing him, all the noise around, screams, and Jaehyun went on mute, it was now just the sound of his heart beating insanely fast and throbbing against his chest, ready to come out. He felt terrible, guilty, his body stopped like it just forgot how to function and all he could picture was Jinyoung’s text message practically slapping him in the cheek and calling him a cheater.

Doyoung breathed in and gawked back at Jaehyun.

“Is everything ok?” the other trailed off, scared he might have made the wrong move.

“I—I really need to leave.”

**__**

Doyoung had made a list of goals he planned to start working on by the beginning of the new year. One of them is moving out from the cramped college dorm he shared to a studio apartment. Most students as they go further in their careers usually find a place of their own. When he received the email from the student center informing him there will be a bonus on his scholarship allowance thanks to his grades, he went ahead and saved those funds for a place of his own. It was nothing big, but it had everything he needed. It was still inside the campus, so walking to class was still possible. His place was modern, _aesthetic_ enough to his taste _,_ it had a big window for natural light, and enough closet space for his belongings. Most importantly it was for him only, this meant goodbye to his loud, dumb roommate and _hello privacy._

Taeyong was his savior once again when he offered over the phone to help him move into his new place, even though he was still upset about being abandoned on New Year’s eve. And along with his friend came Johnny.

“You both kissed?!” Taeyong whispered with wide eyes. 

“Shhh! He kissed me, I only kissed back as an instinct,” Doyoung hissed with an even lower voice, worried someone could hear them, that someone being Johnny. It had been one week since the new year’s eve incident and Taeyong was the first one he was confessing to. 

“Wow ok... I guess I can forgive you for leaving me then,” he said, “I was worried, you know? We found Jaehyun alone and he just said you left.” 

“I’m sorry!! I panicked, I felt awful. First I had this guy all over my face and a second later I had Jinyoung over the phone. I couldn’t.” 

Jinyoung was still a sensitive topic between his friends, they didn’t get to meet him as Doyoung’s boyfriend when he was still in Korea, and since both of them were together for further more time than his friendship with Taeyong and the others, it felt like they didn't have a word on the matter. Still, Doyoung avoided mentioning him, Because his friends only cared about him being happy and his distant relationship struggled to achieve that. Now that they broke up, Doyoung was supposed to drop the topic and move on, but for him, it’s no one but Jinyoung, he filled his mind with memories and what-ifs.

“Well it meant nothing right? the kiss,” Taeyong asked.

Doyoung was not sure if it didn´t

Just right after Johnny walked in with the last box packed with Doyoung’s book collection, mostly those required for his classes.

“Well I think we got everything now,” Johnny said struggling with the weight, 

“Thanks! you can leave it here,” he requested, walking to the small round table on the corner that was just assembled by Johnny too, “you’ve been so much help.” 

Just like that, Johnny had earned Doyoung’s blessing. It didn’t matter if they were secretly dating and Taeyong hadn’t said anything yet, he was sure Johnny would stick around for a while.

"Do, the food’s here,” Taeyong said, holding Doyoung’s phone, “I’ll go down and get it,” Doyoung was getting food for the three of them as a form of payment for helping him move all his belongings to his new place. 

Taeyong walked out the door, leaving the other two alone.

“Now that it’s just us, I wanted to check if you were ok about that night,” Johnny approached him. “Jaehyun told me about the kiss, he felt bad for scaring you like that.”

“Ah. It’s fine, I’m not pissed,” he assured him.

“Yonguie has mentioned a little about your breakup,” he paused not sure of the words to say “I know you just met me but I’m here if you need anything alright,” He then placed his hand over Doyoung’s shoulder to press it gently. 

“Thank you, Johnny,”

“I can talk with him if you like,” Johnny suggested, shrugging his shoulders.

“No, you don't need to do that,” Doyoung´s eyes widened, “to be honest I just want to pretend it never happened.” 

“Got you,” Johnny said before Taeyong got back with the food. 

**__**

With the holidays finally over and a new year ahead, Doyoung´s other friends returned from their hometowns. The group had agreed to meet for their first lunch of the year. It was a tradition by now to have lunch every Sunday. They probably would talk about how their families were all monsters and they are never going back again, truth is living on campus can make you lonely, everyone will end up going back. The point of all of this was that he was meeting with his friends, and it meant he would need to put extra effort in his image, a new year meant a new Doyoung well more like old Doyoung back.

Doyoung strutted all the way to the Student Center Building, the sound of his boots tapping on the cold stone pathway helped to ignore some of the stares other students were giving as he passed by. It was a long way from his apartment to this building, but it was the only cafeteria that would be open that day. Surprisingly he was feeling extra cheerful that morning, applauding whoever said that proper clothes and styling your hair can lift your mood, someone must have said that. 

His stomach growled for a second as he dashed inside the structure, he planned to stuff his mouth and for once not talking about the boy who had kissed him on New Year’s Eve. 

The dining room in the cafeteria was relatively empty, a rare scene on any other day of their semester. He spotted his friends at the entrance while he ordered his usual vegetarian menu, not because he would not eat meat but it was less suspicious. 

Doyoung walked to their usual spot and sat down to enjoy his meal. 

“And here I thought I would have to live through another semester of you wearing sweatpants only,” Ten one of his foreigner friends said as he sat down with his lunch tray. 

Doyoung limited himself to just roll his eyes with a smile. It might not sound like it but this was a compliment coming from Ten, this would translate to _you look nice today, I missed you._ He really missed Ten back during the break but now, he wasn’t so sure. Maybe he had neglected his image since Jinyoung was no longer around.

“So it’s _true_ , you are dating someone new,” Ten began again with an exaggerated grin and raising his left eyebrow. 

“No, where did you hear that?” Doyoung assured him, shoving a spoon of the tofu in his soup. Ten believes his crazy thoughts, this was just another one of them. 

“I heard it from Jennie, on my way here,” His other friend Kun joined, seating right next to Ten, his eyes more concerned than intrigued. 

“I literally don’t know what this is about,” He shook his head, completely uninterested in anything other than his kimchi stew. 

“The New Year’s Eve party!” Ten started to raise his voice desperately, “Everyone saw you making out with a guy,” Ten accused him, “So, you have anything to say?”

He stared now at his friends, his eyebrows pushing in together. How could they know? 

“That was a misunderstanding,” he retorted, swallowing hard. 

“Jennie said she heard it was with Jung Jaehyun, that guy from Architecture” 

How?

“No way! I tried to get in his pants last semester,” Ten managed to say after picking up his jaw from the table. 

“I heard you moved in together,” joined them for last Sooyoung, commonly known in his career as Joy.

He couldn’t believe it! His crime already spread through his university and in no time it will make its way to New York. Jinyoung still had friends here in SNU who probably were asked to keep an eye on him.

“So is it over? With Jinyoung?” Asked Kun, hiding a relieved face. 

He did not reply.

“Listen! The only way he will get over Jinyoung is feeling terrible, cry over him to us and replay what he hates about him over and over all day,”

“Guys, I don’t hate him! It’s not like he cheated or left me for anyone else,” he swallowed once again, the idea of that happening gave him chills, “he just left for some time. We will figure things out,” he added, mostly to convince himself with that speech.

“Well here’s the spoiler, eventually both will get tired of having no sex.” 

That was not the biggest priority during their relationship. His friends would describe his sex life as very _vanilla_ but Doyoung never complained, Jinyoung made sure to make love properly and would always give his all in every encounter. 

“Doie, it’s fine if you want to have some distraction. Jaehyunnie is nice,” Kun said. 

“Jaehyunnie? Since when do you know him?” He matched Ten´s tone now, placing his utensil on the table a little loudly. He thanked God no one else sat at the terrace. 

“We see him around in our building, We will share a class this semester too,” 

It made sense, Jaehyun´s major and Graphic Design were Art related. With Ten on the lookout for his new flavor of the month, it was normal Jaehyun would catch his eye at some point and Kun was not enough to control him. 

“Let's just talk about something else,” it was Joy now. 

“No!” It took a second for him to reply, “This thing it's all a lie. I´m not dating this idiot, less moving in together. Jesus! I don't even have his phone number,”

He felt cornered and for all the wrong reasons, he was innocent in some way. His friends were never like this, holding a sword right in between his eyebrows. 

“Do, it's ok. We believe you,” Kun added, regretting his part in this conversation.

“Well I have his number do you want it?” Ten grabbed his phone to show Jaehyun’s contact picture. 

“Let me see!” Joy said, widening her eyes a little. 

“Argh! Well, this was lovely but I will rather be somewhere else now. Bitches,” He stood up with his Tray and left his friends, not caring to say goodbye, Kun calling wasn’t going to stop him.

When Doyoung stepped outside the building his chest could finally catch some breath again, not only people knew about him and Jaehyun, but rumors and lies were being spread. This explained the stares from earlier and people whispering behind him lately. It drove him mad, this situation shoved even further any possibilities of a future with Jinyoung. He still couldn't figure it out even if both have sworn to love each other forever, the couple ring on his finger reminded him every day.

How was there any hope? He was just so far away, too far away, the distance between them had won already. He might have already lost but it didn't mean he had to accept his defeat.

He took a moment to wander around campus and finally sit at the top of a concrete grandstand in one of the many outdoor courts. His knees pressed on his chest. It was going to happen at any moment, his vision was becoming blurry and heavy. He was going to break his promise with Taeyong about not crying again in any place other than his friend’s shoulders.

“Doyoung Hyung!” he heard from down below in the court.

And there he was, the culprit for all of his recent problems, calling him from below. Jaehyun was jogging, in the middle of winter, with just a black tracksuit (how was that a good idea?), looking gorgeous despite the messy hair and red cheeks. It had to be a superpower to daze Doyoung like this. 

“Hello, Jaehyun,” 

“I was out for a run and I saw you,” he began, “God, you look great!” Jaehyun pointed out, voicing his thoughts bluntly and unintended “uhm, you ran the other night... I shouldn't have kis—,” 

“Is fine!” He felt the need to interrupt, this whole _pretending it didn't happen_ was not working for him “I’m not upset or anything.”

“Really? Well, I don't know about you, but I felt something there. I was hoping you did too” He enthused, shamelessly, coming closer to him.

He hoped a lie could come out, but his head nodded instead.

“Would you join me some time, for coffee?” He smirked, just one dent popping on his cheek pleading, “maybe I can clean my image and I don’t know, start the right way.”

Doyoung thought about it for a second, he could say yes and give a shot to this cocky guy who kept forgetting he was younger than him. Something inside made him stop, just the thought of Jaehyun felt like a sin, someone forbidden that made him burn all under his skin.

It took a look at his right ring finger to have an answer. He rubbed it around with his thumb a few times, it was like he could hear it demanding him to decline.

“Jaehyun, I—,” love someone else, his mouth shut before he could say it, “I think you are nice, and you are obviously good looking but I can’t. I don’t think I have the right mind for this, not now.” he specified.

Jaehyun’s smirk faded.

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung´s eyebrows raised upward, slightly tightening his forehead, “I’ll see you around,” he turned slowly to leave.

“Wait! Doyoung!” Jaehyun moved forward, stepping up right next to him, eye to eye this time, “I’m not the kind of guy to give up. May I have at least your number? I promise I won’t be weird.”

How could he say no to Jaehyun? He was very handsome, built nicely and those pair of dimples were the cherry on top for the full lips and perfect teeth in his smile. Doyoung knew he was going to be a sucker for that face, even when it's all red and sweaty, _especially if it's all red and sweaty._

He ended up yielding, sighing in defeat and rolling his eyes. “Give me your phone.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eep


	2. desire gets in the way

No matter how distinguished and cultivated Doyoung tried to be, there were still some basic-bitch personality traits he could not get rid of, being his overexcitement for pumpkin spice latte season and avocado toast. He swore he was _different_ but in reality, he shared some traits with any other Korean his age. He hated conversations over the phone, kid Doyoung panicked at the thought of ordering a pizza for delivery. This is why he felt everything was easier through a text message. They’re faster, they don't typically interrupt people’s days and most importantly he could simply ignore them.

With his current situation, he found no choice but to get used to numerous phone and video calls every day. At first, Jinyoung and he would talk for hours, they had movie nights daily, they would even order from the same American fast food restaurant and ate together, feeding more the idea of dinner together. This was the only time he could look at Jinyoung's face, so he took in all that he could get. 

“Wait, _Make a wish_ first,” said the voice through his laptop speakers. The sound coming off choppy.

Doyoung held his hands and stopped for a second to ponder upon something he desired, scrunching his nose hard enough to think of what could actually come true.

_I wish health for my family and friends, yes that includes Ten. Oh! And make this bucket hat trend end, please!_

“Ok, done,” he said with a smile. Then pursed his lips together to blow the flame from the single candle on top of the cupcake.

”Happy birthday, beautiful!” Jinyoung cheered, grinning his pixel-smile all over the screen.

“Thanks,” he replied. “So yeah, I´m never having another winter break again. I have a whole month more of no classes,” Doyoung grumbled, licking the blueberry icing from his finger, “what am I supposed to do with this much free time?”

Spring’s semester won't start until the beginning of March. During all this time Doyoung's schedule consisted of; binge-watching 90’s runways shows, and coffee dates with Taeyong and now Johnny, and thanks to his new freezer, he had the luxury to stuff his face on ice cream before sleep.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to be productive,” Jinyoung said. “Do, I should head back to class, is about to end.” 

“That’s fine. Will you call me later at night?”

“Yes, I'll get home, sleep, then I´ll call you before your birthday ends.”

“Ok,” Doyoung nodded.

“Love you!”

“Me too.”

His reflection stared back at him when Jinyoung's face disappeared from the screen. “God! What are _you_ doing?” 

Last February Doyoung spent his birthday with Jinyoung. Both cuddling inside a ski resort under a blanket, the heat of the chimney, and several glasses of red wine. This year all he got was a ten-minute low-quality video call of his ex-boyfriend singing happy birthday, and a cheap cupcake he bought himself.

It was the sound of his doorbell that made Doyoung rise from his seat and made a beeline for the entrance. A heavy click and the sound of a music box indicated the door was being opened.

“We were supposed to meet at Hon—,” Doyoung´s eyes widened at the sight of his unexpected visitor.

“Happy Birthday, Stranger!” The man said sweetly, he squinted his eyes and gave a familiar toothy smile. 

“Hyung. Hi. Thanks!”

“Would you happen to know where my brother lives? He is all lanky, walks, and swears he is a supermodel, but in reality, he just dresses super weird with oversized clothes.”

“Not Funny. How did you find my address?” Doyoung narrowed his eyes, unamused by his brother's humor. 

“I asked around,” the man lifted his shoulder in a half shrug, “they knew who you were once I said you were in philology and that you had a stick up your butt.” 

He scoffed, offended, “Ok, that’s it. Goodbye.”

“Wait! I got presents,” His brother chuckled, blocking the door from being closed and raising the bags he brought.

“Fine… come in,” Doyoung removed himself from the doorway, giving space for the man to get in.

Kim Gongmyung was his only brother, and they couldn’t be any more different. Unlike Doyoung who never missed an opportunity to overdress at whatever event, his brother preferred the simple and comfortable side of a wardrobe. Gongmyung had a handsome face that resembled their father and Doyoung was an exact replica of their beautiful mother. The older was taller by only a forehead, their eyes, noses, cheeks, and chin were different but you could see the same bunny front teeth in both mouths. Still, nothing stopped them from caring for each other. Even if Gongmyung teased Doyoung most of the time, he was the only one who was allowed such privilege. Those who had attempted to bully his baby brother during high school had to deal later with Gong Myung and his friend’s fists, one of them being Park Jinyoung.

Gongmyung kicked his shoes off and let out a long whistle, amazed at Doyoung’s new place, “Why did I never live like this in my college years?”

“What? This small apartment?”

“Yeah It is small but... it looks brand new,” his brother insisted, staring at the single room from floor to ceiling and placing the bags down. “Anyways, Mom made _kimchi_ and side dishes for you.”

“Really?,” Doyoung rushed to the kitchen counter and lifted the lid from the plastic container, allowing the strong fermented scent to kick his nostrils. “It smells so good. This is perfect,” he said after the second sniff.

“Well, let Mom know. Call her,” his brother said. “She was waiting for you on Christmas.”

“I’m sorry. I will call her tonight,” 

“Also Dad says you need to chill with the credit card,”

“What?! I have not exceeded the limit ever. Besides, I’m the one who covers my studies and rental,” He defended himself jutting his hip.

“I’m just the messenger,” Gongmyung said, “what are you spending so much on, anyway?” 

“I broke up with my boyfriend. I needed therapy,” Doyoung pouted, this time with his infamous _I'm the youngest sibling_ puppy eyes. “Retail therapy.”

“Yeah? Those boots and coats comforted you at night?” Gongmyung mocked him, crossing his arms over his chest. “Where are you heading to?”

“I’m meeting my friends for lunch,” Doyoung said, inspecting his own outfit. 

“And after?”

“I'm free if you are taking me out.”

“I’ll buy you dinner, you and me."

“Aww! So you do love me, don’t you?,” Doyoung embraced his brother. “Did you drive here?”

”Yeah, you need a ride?”

“Well, you just made me late and I need to be all the way to _Hongdae_.”

“Ok, let 's go,” Gongmyung said, one hand patting Doyoung’s head and the other grabbing the keys inside his pocket, “but call Mom and Dad, not just text them. Seriously. Also, answer my damn messages!”

  
  


——

Doyoung waved his brother goodbye as he rushed across the street. He was meeting his new favorite couple, Taeyong and Johnny. Both were waiting for him, standing outside the restaurant. Johnny with one hand was trying to tame Taeyong's new pink-died glossy locks from fluttering everywhere with the wind, on the other hand, he held a small bouquet of tulips for Doyoung. Taeyong was focused only on blowing hot air on his hands and rubbing them together. 

“Sorry, I’m late. Why aren't you two inside?” Doyoung said, grabbing both men from their arms.

“Doie!” Taeyong said, shivering.

“Happy Birthday, Do!”

“Thank you, Johnny! Let’s get inside I’m freezing,”

Hongdae is a neighborhood filled all over with affordable, trendy restaurants, cafes, and bars. The locations were aimed mostly at broke college students and the young public, every month there is one particular place that becomes trendy and out of nowhere the hottest new spot. It could be the food, the aesthetic, or just some A-list celebrity eating there for a variety show. So when he scrolled through Instagram like every other morning, he saw the photo of his favorite singer IU, eating at Cherry Bomb Food.

“Welcome! Do you happen to have a reservation? We are out of tables.” The young lady stood behind the wood counter, a wicked smile on her face.

“We do. Our friend is waiting over there.” 

Doyoung’s sight followed where Taeyong’s mouth pointed at. He gasped loudly at the view of said friend. They have not spoken a single word for three days now, yet there he was, sitting in the corner, holding his phone and a small brown box laying on the table.

“Ten?” 

“Do! Happy Birthday,” his friend got on his feet and hurried to give him a tight hug. 

Doyoung´s pettiness forced him to stand straight with both arms on his sides. 

“I know you're mad at me right now, but If I also miss your birthday it will just get worse and worse. I’m also here to say that I’m sorry.”

“I—”

“Wait! What I’m trying to say is, I didn’t mean to attack you like that day,” for the first time Ten carefully picked his words, he perfectly knew who Johnny was, and who he was friends with, “I was just excited for you and I screwed it.”

“Ten,” Doyoung tried once again.

“Wait!” Ten looked at him this time, “I'm truly sorry, please forgive me,”

Out of everyone, Ten was the only friend who did not text him an apology the night of their lunch. It hurt him and he felt upset but Doyoung, _new year Doyoung,_ was all about forgiveness and love and for Ten’s luck, just the image of him swallowing his pride was enough for his friend to be pleased.

Doyoung smiled and cupped his friend’s shoulders back, “It’s all good, Tennie,”

“Yay!” Taeyong said in the back, “Now let's order.”

Doyoung lost count after the twentieth plate served, there was so much food their chopsticks hardly fit on the table. He already sensed his stomach regretting all the food later, however, he was paying any mind to it. Not every day he enjoyed such a feast. After the waiter stirred the final ingredients inside the stew and the group had taken thousands of pictures of their set up, they proceeded to stuff their mouths. Every time Taeyong tried something new he felt the need to shove his chopsticks in Doyoung’s mouth to make sure he tasted every plate on the table.

“We need to give you our present before Johnny leaves,” Taeyong said, pulling out his gift, wrapped in pink shiny paper with _Birthday Princess_ written all over it.

Doyoung chuckled, as his manicured nails carefully ripped the adhesive to unfold his gift. His eyes took several seconds to believe it was real, it was the book he had been searching for months. Every store owner had sworn it was sold out and were unsure when it would be back. The cover had a zoomed picture of the author's face slurping on a milkshake, her lips were glossy red, matching perfectly the two cherries on top of the whipped cream. The Poetry book titled _Gashina_ was all about diverse love, beauty, feminism, and queer culture in modern Korean Society.

“Hyung, how did you get this?” Doyoung said, his finger tracing the author´s signature, right after flipping the cover. 

_~_

_For Kim Doyoung,_

_I heard you liked my poems._

_Much Love_

_\- Lee Sun Mi_

  
  


“Johnny’s connections. He has a friend of a friend,” Taeyong said. 

“Thanks, you two. I truly love this,” He said to the couple, bringing in the book to his chest.

“Thank you, for setting the bar way up high,” Ten said holding his gift, “Do, mine is a bit humbler, but It's with a lot of love,” 

Doyoung took the gift Ten offered and opened the brown box. Inside was a gold necklace with a tiny pendant of the playboy bunny. 

“Ten, this is not humble. It’s cute,” Doyoung said, his lips forming a genuine smile. 

“Here. I'll help you,” his friend said, stepping behind Doyoung to lock the choker around his neck, enough for him to not feel suffocated.

“It totally suits you!” Taeyong said leaning closer to have a better view of the bunny. 

Johnny agreed as well, nodding his head.

“Thanks, Tennie,” he said holding on to the bunny.

With Johnny gone after hugging everyone goodbye —Taeyong receiving additional kisses on the lips— they had agreed the best way to fight the cold weather and a full stomach was with ice cream. 

They walked up a couple of blocks, all stuck to each other to warm themselves, and got inside the convenience store. Taeyong hurried to the frozen sweets section. 

“Guys,” Doyoung chewed on his lip, regretting his next words, “just curious… If you happen to give your number to a guy, and he hasn’t texted anything for three days, not a single text or call. What would you do?” 

“Block him,” Ten did not hesitate, his eyes focused on the screen of the ticket machine to recharge his subway card. 

“Is this about Jaehyun?” Taeyong said, passing over him the choco mint-flavored ice cream. 

“You gave your... you know what I’m just going to shut up,” Ten pressed his lips, shaking his head. 

“I thought you were not interested,” Taeyong continues.

“I’m not. It’s not him, it's another guy,” he had to lick his ice cream next to kill the sour taste of his lie. 

“Well, why don’t _you_ text him?” Taeyong said. 

“Well, I didn’t save his number,” he mocks back. 

“Then just get over it,” Ten spoke again.

“No! I need him to text me so I can reject him over the phone, is easier for me,”

“Well, you better say something to this ‘other guy’ soon because we will see him, at Johnny’s birthday,” Taeyong now said. 

“Jaehyun will be there?” 

“Of course, he’s Johnny’s friend. You promised him you’ll be there.” 

“Johnny was not clear about his guest list!” he stomped his right foot loudly. 

——

When Doyoung started dating Jinyoung, years ago, he found no choice other than to get used to the man’s loving ways. His then-boyfriend was a lover of few words, who believed tenderness and affection should be kept private and only meant for Doyoung. So with the years, he didn't find it disappointing when there was no birthday message on his ex-boyfriend’s Instagram story or even a tweet of an old picture with a cute, quirky caption.

“It’s officially no longer your birthday there,” Jinyoung said. 

“Mhmm”

“Are you ok? You usually comment on everything when we watch a movie,” Jinyoung said through the laptop speaker.

“Yes,” his voice mixed between baby talking and whimpering, “I’m just tired, hyung. I did a lot today.” 

They remained silent for some minutes again, the sound of blood spilling and screams in the background. 

“It’s kind of weird to watch a horror movie after waking up,” Jinyoung tried.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, Do?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t feel well, it’s late. I should probably sleep.”

“Baby, that’s fine. Get some rest.”

He did feel tired and maybe it was also the beginning of a headache, but he knew that was just an excuse. The movie nights were no longer enough, he needed Jinyoung there with him, he wanted cuddles, nuzzles, kisses all over his face, not watching a hippie cult kill a group of junkie travelers. He already knew the ending of _Midsommar_ anyway. 

——

The day he feared arrived, Doyoung had seen Jaehyun in three instances the past month. The first time they met on New Year’s Eve, he appeared unreachable and adonis-looking, a kind of face that was created to turn heads. Doyoung never imagined in his sane mind that by the end of the night he would end with Jaehyun sucking his mouth. The second time he looked well built and confident. His pale skin was smooth with blushed cheeks and ears, like a juicy peach. A head full of toffee-brown hair that fell flawlessly over his forehead, even messy and partly wet. The third time, days after his birthday, Doyoung spotted Jaehyun from afar in the laundry room. He was wearing a beanie over his head and just sat on a bench, with his phone in his hands. Doyoung froze for a long minute and ran away to a different building.

Now Jaehyun was right in front of him again, a round table in between, full of green bottles and plates with meat, lettuce, and different accompaniments. Jaehyun as the youngest in the friend group was forced to grill the meat. He swore he liked to do it anyways. 

Doyoung could not stop staring at the boy’s straight-face. It was like he was meeting a different person, he was quiet, almost shy. He wore his hoodie over his head and a clenched jaw.

“Baby, eat it this way it tastes better,” Johnny said to Taeyong. His boyfriend rolled a ridiculously big lettuce wrap that included everything edible on the table. It was always everything for his boy. It might be Johnny’s celebration, but Taeyong was the king at this table. 

“I know it’s your birthday but some of us are just trying to eat,” Johnny’s roommate said. He introduced himself earlier as Yuta, a Japanese student coursing Films and Cinematics with Johnny.

Johnny mocked him, faking a pout then got back to his lover. Taeyong savored the lettuce wrap and moaned as if his taste buds had never had such delicacy, the most basic meal at a friend’s hangout. 

“Doie, aren’t those two embarrassing,?” Yuta whispered, drawing his eyes inwards.

Doyoung scrunched his nose and nodded. 

The Japanese man had fried blonde hair, piercings on his ears, and smokey makeup around his eyes. Yuta might appear like a bad boy, but deep inside he seemed like a sweet boy with sailor moon underwear. Or that’s what Doyoung imagined. 

The only problem was Yuta had been flirting from the moment Doyoung arrived at the restaurant. Any other occasion and he might have dared to flirt back, especially after all the shots of _soju_ , but Jaehyun's eyes didn’t let him. The younger wasn't just staring, his coal-black eyes were piercing, waiting for the minimum movement to jump over the table and kill them both. One more minute and Jaehyun’s tight neck was going to break.

Yuta then placed a hand on Doyoung’s leg “I can call you Doie, right? Like Taeyong does?” 

“Sure, I don’t mind,” Doyoung said, then gulped to the last drop from his beer. 

“Hyung, eat some more” were the only words Jaehyun had said so far, he then placed several bite-sized pieces of meat on Doyoung’s plate.

“Thanks.” 

“Jaehyunnie is really good at cooking,” Johnny added.

Jaehyun was a great cook. He could tell when the meat would be ready even with his mind focused on all the possible ways for Yuta’s death.

“Who wants more soju?” Yuta shouted, holding the green bottle. 

Doyoung turned his head and stood after Taeyong asked for him to follow. The floor was shaky and he started regretting his last shot. 

“Do, I think it’s happening. Tonight.” Taeyong said, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge display. 

“What do you mean? Sex?” Doyoung whispered now, surprised they hadn't done it before.

“N—no we already do it. What I mean is that I love him. I love Johnny and I want him to know. Tonight.” Taeyong´s face made that dumb flustered look only fools in love made. Doyoung couldn’t help but follow with the same expression.

“Hyung, don't stress it, he’ll say it back,” He assured his friend.

“I really hope so,” Taeyong exhaled. 

“He adores you, it’s kind of annoying,” 

Taeyong giggled at Doyoung’s mocking face, “I’ll let you know.” 

“Please.”

“Here, drink some, The soju is gonna hit you anytime,” Taeyong handed him the water bottle. “You can get home on your own right? I won’t walk you tonight.”

“I’ll be fine.”

But he wasn’t. In a blink of an eye, the celebration had come to an end. Taeyong and Johnny left first to catch the last train of the night, so Doyoung was now inside a cab with a knocked out Yuta, a still silent Jaehyun, and all the alcohol kicking in. He considered slapping himself out of this situation or even jumping off the cab. The only sane option was to keep the conversation with the taxi driver if humming and nodding to whatever the old man was saying counted as one.

With Jaehyun insisting on paying for the trip, They began threading their way through the dark campus. The brisk wind blowing through Doyoungs outfit, completely underestimating Seoul's winter during midnight. 

“Hey, I need to talk to you,” Doyoung shivered and held on to Jaehyun‘s arm. 

“Talk with Yuta,” Jaehyun pulled away and walked faster now.

“Hey get back here!”

Another step and he felt the sting, not in his heart, his foot.

“Ow,” Doyoung whined, as he kneeled to the floor to inspect the pain, his _new_ _Louis Vuitton_ loafers were hurting him. “Fuck.” 

“What is it?” In a second Jaehyun had lowered himself in front of Doyoung. 

“These shoes, they’re killing me,” Doyoung sobbed. He didn’t feel it before but his heel was all red and the skin was slightly peeling off, “ouch.”

“I have a band-aid somewhere. One sec,” Jaehyun shoved his hand inside his pockets for his wallet, “here.”

“Thank you,” Doyoung took the pink band-aid with his fingers and applied it to his wound.

“I’ll take you to your dorm, just lean on me” Jaehyun offered Doyoung a hand and then slid it over his own shoulders to help him stand. 

They were completely close now, hip to hip, feeling his side rub with Jaehyun’s torso with every step. The three layers of clothing were not enough to shield him from every burning sensation the arm around his waist caused. It was frustrating and hilarious how Jaehyun sent all these tingles in his body, just like when they met for the first time.

He regretted whining a minute ago. His mind convinced the foot could have taken all the pain till it fell off. At this point, he preferred to live without the limp than to be with Jaehyun like this.

“You didn’t text me,” The words coming out on their own.

“You didn’t want me to,” Jaehyun said back. 

“I—I did,” he choked.

“Which way?” 

“Over there,” and with his nose to the right. 

“You didn’t,” Jaehyun continued, no smirk added, no dimples. Nothing.

Doyoung made a face when they struggled with the front door of the building, Jaehyun’s hand gripping him tightly to not let him fall. A few more steps until they were finally inside the elevator. 

“What floor?” Jaehyun asked, his breath was now hitting Doyoung’s cheek. 

“Five.”

The elevator dinged after the music stopped and they turned left to Doyoung’s apartment. 

“You got it from here?” Jaehyun said now at his front door.

“I'm good. Thanks!” Doyoung nodded.

“Alright, I’ll head to my building then,”

“Ok.”

“Goodnight, Doyoung.” Jaehyun finally smiled. 

“Jaehyun-ah,” His hand begged the boy to stop, grasping at the sleeve of the coat. Doyoung was drunk and made no sense, “do you know the difference between addiction and desire?”

He found Jaehyun’s confused face adorable. 

The older lurched forward, the sound of both chests crashing against each other. One more deep breath and his lips explained it all. This time there was not going slow, tonight he was taking everything he could. The more he kissed Jaehyun the more he craved for what he was fed before. Their lips found the right rhythm and Doyoung´s tongue pushed into the limit until he was indulging in pure _desire_.

Jaehyun tasted like a fabulous dessert and it was almost offensive how Doyoung was devouring him. If there was an etiquette for kissing someone he was now breaking every single rule. 

“Easy, bunny,” Jaehyun said. Breaking the kiss and getting a closer look at Doyoung’s pendant. 

Doyoung did not listen nor comply, he grabbed Jaehyun from the sides of the jacket and pulled him in again, his back hitting the wall.

“What’s your passcode?” Jaehyun managed to say. 

“96,” Doyoung began, but he went in for more, planting kisses over Jaehyun’s cheeks, “2,” chin, neck, and jaw. “1.”

Doyoung’s heart raced the moment the first beep came from his lock, adrenaline running all through his body. He was no virgin nor saint, he knew exactly what to do, where to kiss, and where to suck, but that was Jinyoung in the past, this was someone new. 

“That’s your birthday!” 

“Mhmm,” Doyoung paid no mind and went for another kiss on the lips. Melting even more to the wall. His brave hand then snaked down all over Jaehyun's torso and went in for the crotch. 

A hoarse moan came from Jaehyun before he said, “you should get inside.” 

“You are not gonna come in?” Doyoung whimpered. 

“I’m dying to, but this would be a one-night stand. I want a hell of a lot more,” Jaehyun’s dark eyes locked on Doyoung's, like magnets. 

He was out of words, out of the rush, and full of shame.

“Drink some water before you sleep.” 

“Goodnight,” he finally said, the sound of the door closing after. 

——

After spending minutes curling and moving around in his bed, Doyoung finally gave up on catching any more precious hours of rest. Hangovers were always like this, a parched throat that would keep him from sleeping, and a killing headache as if his skull was being squeezed tight with gigantic hands. The only worst thing than a hangover was having to be somewhere while having one. 

He finally raised his heavy eyelids and swung his feet out of bed, the cold floor freezing his bare soles the moment he stood. He had arrived last night too drunk to sleep with his retainer on, to put on some clean sleepwear, and most importantly to turn on the heating system. Doyoung tiptoed his way through the apartment and after several curses he made it to the shower, at least the warm water would relax him. 

Getting ready was not easier. He grabbed the first black clothes he could find from his closet, and arranged his lazy outfit, tripping a few times with his pants. After shoving in his coat he looked at himself one last time in the mirror and made his way to the train station. His mouth salivating from the thought of the greasy bacon egg sandwich he will be ordering for breakfast there.

Doyoung was meeting with Joy, she asked him to join her in getting herself all the supplies for a single Valentine's night alone. Last year that meant cooking whatever recipe was trending on Pinterest, a nostalgic chick flick movie, and a sugar coma from all the filled chocolates.

“How bad is it?” Joy asked as soon as she greeted him with a hug.

Doyoung stepped back and took a deep breath. “The sunglasses are not coming off today.” 

“It’s a couple of stops and we’ll be there,” she placed her hand gently, cupping his shoulder. “So how's Jinyoung? Any plans for valentines?”

“He is fine. We will probably see a movie or something. I don’t know. We’re not actually together, so I didn't plan anything,” Doyoung sighed. “Taeyong’s boyfriend helped me get chocolate delivered there.” 

“Well if you end up doing nothing, Kun, Ten, and I will be hanging at my place,” she commented. 

He simply nodded back. 

Jinyoung never won his heart with candy or gifts. It was instead the breakfasts on the bed, love notes, and romantic songs. Jinyoung could still do two of those things from New York. Whatever the outcome, there was no way he was going to be single on the 14th, he might as well break up with Jinyoung once again the day after. Can someone break up with an ex-boyfriend? 

Valentine’s Day always seemed to bring most single people down, his friends were no exception. For the past year, Joy had struggled to have a successful first date with whatever SNU offered. Every student profile sat in front of her at the table; the artsy boy, the brainless jocks, nerds, and the worst, obnoxious guys from Sociology who believed mansplaining was romantic. This time she was done with finding love and instead she was letting love find her. Doyoung was pretty sure she read that somewhere scribbled on a restroom wall. 

They dropped off the train when their stop was announced and beelined outside the underground station. Doyoung’s headache throbbed once again with the loud noise of the city. The constant beeping from the traffic and the loud music from the shops pierced his ears just to kick him in the brain. 

“Why did we come all the way here?” Doyoung asked.

“I saw a wine shop on insta the other night, I want to see what’s the big deal,” Joy explained.

“I don't want to see a single bottle of alcohol today.” 

“Was Johnny´s birthday that wild? Joy now swung her arm around him.

The memories of last night came back to his mind. Doyoung had never behaved like that before, with so much hunger. He shamelessly jumped on Jaehyun and kissed him with eagerness and desperation. Almost like was sent on a trance, the one that ends only when he consumes everything. 

“Something like that,” Doyoung mumbled.

He continued looping inside his thoughts until the wine shop entrance was almost in his face. He opened the glass door and let Joy get in first. It was a small cozy store with a garden of dried flowers hanging from the ceiling as well as other plants on their shelves. A wine-flower shop, not a wild concept for Seoul shopping districts. There is always a new store opening every day it wouldn't surprise him if any of the doors around would lead to a café.

“Welcome to _Love Shot_ , I’m here If you need any help.” said the young employee behind the desk.

Doyoung´s eyes went straight to Joy, who tried her best to stay straight-faced, pressing her lips to hold her laugh. 

“So this is why we are here?” Doyoung whispered with a playful tone.

“Shut up.” 

The young man at the counter looked slightly older than them, about two or three more years. He spoke with a fruity voice yet deep enough to make them swoon. There was an adorable aura coming from him and a set of plump pouty lips formed a flirty smile on his face. 

“Would you like to taste our most popular wines?” 

He took a second to read the name tagged on his uniform. Kai. 

“Oh we would love to,” Doyoung replied. 

Kai´s charming ways were effective, he succeeded with making them purchase even more wine than what originally was planned, Doyoung was convinced he wouldn’t get anything to begin with. But it was ok, it was out of his hands once Kai flashed those pearly teeth. The safest option for their wallets was to leave the store and wrap up their day, not before checking the shoe sale in the next store.

Meeting up with Joy was what Doyoung needed to feel better, after all, he gave her that nickname for a reason. From the way she lit up everyone's mood or how she did not care to wrinkle her face when she smiled. Every day she surprised him with her kindness, confidence, and courage. The last one being an attribute he wished he had, because now they made their way back campus, except Joy´s phone had Kai´s profile in her contact list and his didn't. Doyoung was now convinced Joy was the only _top_ in the friend group.

With the end of winter break coming soon, SNU’s campus starts getting even more crowded. Doyoung had to dodge several slow walkers until he passed the giant potted plants outside his building. He let out a loud groan the moment his phone beeped, forcing him to juggle his shopping bags to check the message.

He frowned his eyebrows at the younger's lack of response. If he was being left on _read_ then Doyoung was going to play that game too, better yet it was the perfect chance to finally block Jaehyun, all he needed was his hands to be free first. 

Doyoung motioned to the elevator of his building and pressed the 5th floor. A quick check in the mirror assured him that he still looked presentable. A few more steps and he was going to be home at last, but his frown returned when he noticed his nightmare coming true.

“You are not seriously here,” Doyoung lowered his eyebrows even more. 

Outside his door was Jaehyun, one shoulder leaning against the wall, waiting for him to arrive. The smug face was expected. 

“All flesh and bones. Why? Dreaming of me often?” dimples on full display. 

“How long have you been here? You know I can report you for stalking,” Doyoung tried to seem annoyed. 

“What did you buy?” is what Jaehyun said back. 

“Shoes.”

“Let me see.” 

He snorted, “I’m not showing you a shoe.” 

Jaehyun seemed to have recovered his confidence from the day before because he still shoved his finger to get a peek of what was inside.

“Ooh, sexy!” Jaehyun looked at him through his thick eyelashes. “By the way, I need you to pay me back,”

“I wasn't aware I owed you something?” His right brow couldn’t be any higher now. 

“Well, for walking you home last night, and also I will need an apology for kissing me like that outside your door, cause...” Jaehyun dramatically paused, and came closer “I could report you for the way you grab—”

The flush crept all over Doyoung’s cheeks, “What do you need? Jerk,” He grunted and swore he was punching the next smirk on Jaehyun's face.

“My birthday is on Valentine’s Day and all my friends already made plans, so I need you to have dinner with me.” 

“No.”

“Don’t answer no. Think about it,” Jaehyun removed himself from the wall, “I’ll be here on the fourteenth.”

“I already answered.” 

“Wear those shoes, I’ll bring bandaids,” Jaehyun then winked right at Doyoung and walked away.

There was absolutely no way he was spending Valentines’ with him.

  
  


——

  
  


After their encounter, all Doyoung stressed the following days was his not-date with Jaehyun, Fortunately for him on the fourteenth Ten had agreed to not ask questions and help him pick his—not valentine's look, but a birthday dinner outfit—. If Jaehyun thought he had some sort of effect on him, he was going to be proved wrong. 

_“I can't believe you have another birthday,”_ Ten said through the video call.

“Ten! Let’s focus on my outfit. I want to look normal” He twirled once for the camera.

_“Normal?”_

“Ok, I want to look amazing but not like I’m trying. Just effortlessly striking,” Jaehyun didn’t deserve his best clothes. The sudden sound of his doorbell caused him to squeak-gasp loudly. “That’s him. If I don't answer maybe he’ll leave.” 

_“I didn't just stay over the phone for two hours for nothing Doyoung.”_ Ten said _“Go! You look hot already.”_

Doyoung turned and looked at himself in the mirror one last time, his hair was silky-soft, a subtle eyeliner was drawn in perfectly and his teeth were squeaky clean. 

He had to curl his fingers into his palm first before reaching for the door, not feeling the nails dig in. A million things ran through his mind, what if he was not ready to meet a different man other than Jinyoung once he gets outside?

Jaehyun’s slicked-back hair was the first thing he noticed, it was side-parted perfectly and styled in a wet effect look. Doyoung was not the kind to be left speechless but he didn't count on Jaehyun looking like a dream date. The boy wore a simple gray turtleneck top, loose pants, the usual dark blue coat on top, and clean white Converses.

“Hey!” Jaehyun called, he stood there with his shoulders high and hands inside his pockets. 

“Hi!” Doyoung said back.

Two words only for a greeting. He could survive this, it's just a quick bite. 

After both stretching their lips into several awkward smiles, Jaehyun took him all the way to Itaewon, where he swore they served the best _Rosé Pasta._ Nothing fancy _._ Italian’s restaurants were a safe choice to pick for a dinner date —not that this was one of those—. Turns out every other couple around the area thought the same. Doyoung was now sitting at their table surrounded by all kinds of lovers and Jaehyun in front of him, who took out his never-before-seen reading glasses to view the menu. 

Jaehyun nudged his specs with a finger, “So you are having the pasta?”

Yes, he will have the pasta, but mostly because he did not care to look at what other options they offered. His surroundings faded into the background and what Doyoung had focused on in the past few minutes was how those rims brought even more cheekbones on Jaehyun's face, or how he had to constantly scrunch his nose in the cutest way to adjust them. 

“That's why we are here.” Doyoung nodded, not meaning to sound unamused.

“What about rib-eye steak? We can share that.” 

“Just pick what you want. It’s your birthday.” 

“Yeah… But I want to make sure you’ll like it too.” 

“The rib-eye sounds good,” he simply responded.

“Sweet, cause I have a coupon for that.”

Doyoung mentally notes how passionate the boy is about food, Jaehyun's eyes beamed when their plates were being served. 

Jaehyun grinned ear to ear and said, “ _Buon appetito.”_

It was best for Doyoung’s heart to ignore that smile or how when Jaheyun chews on food his lips pout in the cutest way. Five days ago the younger one stayed tight-lipped the whole dinner during Johnny's celebration. He seemed shy and dejected, his pride might have been hurt the day Doyoung rejected him. At this moment tho, the birthday boy voiced “mmm” sounds every time he savored his food or even commented on how delicious it was. Doyoung couldn’t be blamed for noticing all of this, it was a fairly small table and Jaehyun was just some inches away.

He twirled his fork several times grabbing a decent amount of the pasta and took a bite to see what was the big fuzz. Jaehuyn kept his eyes on him the whole time. 

“It’s good,” he nodded, trying not to choke with the food in his mouth and his laugh.

“I told you. I tried to recreate it the other night, but it was not the same. I guess ramen seasoning does not do the trick. Then Johnny mentioned he ate here with Taeyong before, so I was curious to see if you liked this kind of food. I was not sure, what kind of food do you like?” Jaehyun paused and giggled, “Am I talking too much?” 

Doyoung shook his head quickly, “You are great! I’m the one who’s too quiet.” 

“That's not bad.”

They continued enjoying their meal, Doyoung adding himself more into the conversation. For a moment Jaehyun was no longer teasing him or coming with witty compliments, he did make sure to let out some lame jokes tho. What he did instead was talking about his college work, hobbies, and taste in music. The boy even showed a picture of him two days ago wearing his hanbok for Korean´s New Year. He didn't read Jaehyun as the kind to be a dork. He meant that as a good thing.

It was a good dinner date, the kind that only happens when it's not an actual date.

With a full stomach, they climbed down the stairs of the building and out into Itaewon’s bright neon lights. The weather was cold as usual for a winter night. Jaehyun noticed Doyoung clutching on his coat and slides his hand on his shoulders. A dork that could be smooth sometimes. 

Outside was a bit of chaos. Mostly couples filled the streets, some laughing, others making out. They walked past the old men smoking and the ramen place Taeyong loves so much. 

Jaehyun checked his phone and said, “We got a few more hours before my birthday ends, where do you want to go from here?”

“I don't know? What else is on your agenda?” Doyoung replies. 

“With you, anywhere,” 

He chuckled nervously, “If you are going to flirt all night, I'm going to need a drink first.” 

The first snowfall of winter is the most exciting one for Doyoung. He would come outdoors to build snow-angels, snowmen and even throw some snowballs at his brother. It fascinated him as he had never seen snow the year prior. He was not the only one who thought so, not when his social media was filled with posts and stories of the snow falling. With the following days, winter starts to get old and annoying, especially when the frozen flakes start pouring out of nowhere during the night and he isn't carrying an umbrella. This is exactly what happened on their way back to Doyoungs building.

Jaehyun´s fingers picked out the flurry flakes from Doyoung´s hair. 

“Hey... you didn’t have chapstick on,” Doyoung said

Jaehyun backed his head. “Huh?”

“Your chapstick, you just put it on.” A smirk forming on his lips.

“So what?” Jaehyun shrugs and brushed off the snow left from Doyoung´s shoulders.

“You thought we were kissing again.” 

Jaehyun stopped his hands abruptly and said, “Funny.”

It felt like a victory. He finally had some control in Jaehyun´s —who makes the other one blush first— game. 

“I had a good time tonight Jung, in spite of my best effort not to.” 

“Are we on a last name basis now?” Jaehyun chuckled. “Thank you for joining me.”

“Happy Birthday!” Doyoung bit back his smile. 

“Get some sleep hyung. Don't leave your roses out here.”

“Huh?” It didn’t make sense before until he turned around and saw what the younger meant. 

A bouquet of red roses with a note was left on his door. Doyoung leaned down and picked up the flowers from the floor. 

“Anyone that should make me feel worried?” Jaehyun asked. 

“There’s no name,” He showed the blank envelope. It was in fact blank, but he knew perfectly who it was from. “I’ll get inside, now.” 

“Sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight. Be careful with the snow, the roads will be slippery.”

Jaehyun nodded back and gave him a smile. No hug, no kiss goodbye. The chapstick was untouched. 

Once inside he thought twice before opening the letter. Whatever was written inside, was a trap, one perfectly designed for him to fall. His fingers were shaking when unfolded the white paper showing a poem handwritten.

_I don’t know how to make your absence_

_sound poetic_

_anymore_

_I miss you_

_and that’s is all_

_-keira vanderkolk_

  
  


Doyoung made sure to send Jinyoung a selfie with his roses before getting to bed, to what his ex-boyfriend replied “Looking beautiful as always. I was afraid they got lost.”

Breaking up with the love of your life is hard, but getting over them only gets harder. The glorious life Doyoung pictured with Jinyoung poofed and left him adrift. Now months have passed and when he feels like finally, he finds direction back to himself a thousand more turns show up in his way. Maybe his path was not going back and instead forward. Whatever it was he felt too tired. Too tired to think about the poem, or the flowers, the smell of Jaehyun´s cologne when he was all up close picking the snow from his hair and how Doyoung simply let him.

With his Valentine's day ending soon Doyoung stretched his arms and yawned inside his bed.

_Finally, I can sleep. All this beauty sure can get me feel exhausted. Tonight was probably on the top of Jaehyun's birthdays. We were the hottest couple there, let's be real. Pfff... Couple? He wishes. I really am a monster, Jinyoung deserves so much better. We agreed to not send anything this time. Arghh!... he never listens. Those chocolates better not arrive melted tho. Did he suspect I was sending him something? Noo! He is just that perfect he sent the roses to surprise me. My angel. Speaking of angels, IU please release some new music girl. I need to listen to something to sleep instead of my thoughts. Shit! I missed my drama tonight. Why am I craving dalgona coffee suddenly? Ah right, Kunnie’s story. It looked so good. Should I make some? Wait, I'm out of sugar. Mph... Jaehyun sure did look good tonight, and those glasses Hmm... he can’t be outshining me tho, Argh!.. I really hope I served tonight, despite Ten’s questionable fashion choices. I mean it was my clothes so I'm sure I was fine. Next time I’m going for Joy. Next time? What next time? Stoop Doyoung! You are a cheater. You disgust me. I'm not a cheater Am I? It—t doesn’t ma—atter I'm marryin—g Jinyoung eventual—_

——

To his dismay, the morning after his roses did not magically disappear. They were still where he had placed them last night. Inside a vase filled with water and sitting on top of his kitchen counter. The petals were deep red, healthy and the aroma filled the single room apartment. Nothing less than perfect could come from Jinyoung.

“I´m still in love with him, and I am scared if that never changes,” Doyoung sniffed, phone between his ear and shoulder.

 _“Doyoung-ah! Uhh... What happened?”_ Taeyong sounded surprised.

It was a mix of feeling helpless and entrapped. He did not plan to blame Jinyoung. How could he? When all he did was meet Doyoung’s needs, those that were possible from the other side of the world. Still, it was not enough for an old-fashioned hopeless romantic. So he cried over the phone to his best friend, about how life was teaching him he was wrong about everything yet somewhere deep down something ensured that he had reason to believe.

Doyoung sighed loudly, “I’m not interrupting you and Johnny right?”

 _“No. I was alone. I just had breakfast,”_ Taeyong said with a muffled tone and it sounded like he was grubbing around his dorm. “ _You want me to go there?”_

“Ok,” he said after realizing his nodding couldn't be seen. 

_“I'm on my way now,”_ Taeyong rapid footsteps were heard now in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so long, I hope you liked this :)


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